5 posts tagged “hallucinations”

“You can get better” – PatientsLikeMe member jeffperry1134 shares about his journey with PTSD

Posted February 12th, 2015 by

Many veterans are a part of the PTSD community on PatientsLikeMe, and recently, jeffperry1134 spoke about his everyday life after returning home from military service. In his interview, he touched upon his deployment to Somalia in the early 1990s, and how his memories of Africa cause daily symptoms like anxiety, hallucinations and nightmares. But despite everything, Jeff remains upbeat and reminds us that there is always hope. Scroll down to read what he had to say.

Note: the account below is graphic, which may be triggering.

Can you tell us a little about your military service and your early experiences with PTSD?

I entered the military in the Army in July 1990 as a heavy wheeled mechanic. I went through basic training and AIT at Ft. Jackson, SC. I went to my first permanent duty station in December in Mannheim, Germany. I was assigned to a Chinook helicopter unit. My unit was very relaxed and we got along well. As soon as the war broke out we received our deployment orders. We returned home in July from deployment. My PTSD was early onset after returning from Desert Storm. I experienced nightmares, depression, alcohol abuse and drug abuse. At the time I was a 19 year old alone in Germany away from my family struggling with this mental illness. My supervisors were able to help me hide my problems well and it was not discovered at that time. I feared being singled out for having these problems. Three days before it was my time to PCS stateside our company was deployed again, this time we were going to Somalia. I was told I could leave but I felt guilty so I volunteered to stay and deploy with my teammates. We deployed in November 1992 and returned in June 1993. During my time in Somalia it was rough. During the deployment my job was perimeter guard duty and body remover. During the deployment I used local drugs of Khat and Opium Poppies to control the symptoms of my illness. After returning from Somalia not only did I have the symptoms that I had earlier but now I was hallucinating hearing voices, smelling smells and seeing flashes. I went stateside a week after we returned. I went to Ft. Leonard Wood, MO in an engineer unit that was strict. I made a huge impression with my skills as a mechanic and a soldier so when I was having problems my superiors hid it for me to keep me out of trouble. I did get in trouble once after a night of heavy drinking and smoking marijuana and was given an article-15 for being drunk on duty. Before that day I had still considered myself as a career soldier and I decided then that I was not going to re-enlist. I spent the rest of my military time waiting to get out and finally July 1994 came and I was out and had a job at a local car dealership as a mechanic. After working a while I got into a verbal confrontation that turned physical with the business owner and had to be removed by the police from the dealership. After that my thinking became bizarre and very hyper-vigilant. I took newspaper clippings and taped them to a door so it would motivate me to exercise harder and be ready if I were ever in a life or death situation. At the time I was working with a great therapist and she did wonders for me keeping me stable. She convinced me to take my medications and stop drinking daily.

What were your feelings after being officially diagnosed? 

I was blown away when I was diagnosed in 1995 after a suicide attempt that ended up with me being hospitalized on a psych unit for a week. My sister walked in on me at my apartment with a loaded gun in my mouth. I was resistant to treatment or even acknowledging that I had this illness. I was linked up with a therapist and psychiatrist before leaving the hospital.

What are some of the symptoms you experience on a daily basis?

On a daily basis I usually deal with a lot of anxiety, some depression, occasional hallucinations and nightmares. On a bad day I will have sensory hallucinations with me smelling dead bodies, burning flesh or cordite. Usually when that happens I get physically sick.

You recently completed the Mood Map Survey on your PatientsLikeMe profile – what have you learned about your PTSD from your tracking tools?

I learned that my PTSD is not as well managed as I would like it. It made me press my doctor to give me an antipsychotic medication and I have a new therapist at the VA that is working hard to help me identify when my symptoms are becoming worse.

By sharing your story, what do you hope to teach others about PTSD?

I just wanted to show that you can get better and that there is hope and that they can get through it.

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Interview with Jim Atwell, Author of “Wobbling Home: A Spiritual Walk with Parkinson’s”

Posted April 4th, 2012 by

PatientsLikeMe Member Jim Askell, Author of "Wobbling Home:  A Spiritual Walk with Parkinson's"

Continuing our coverage of Parkinson’s Awareness Month, we’d like to introduce you to Jim Atwell, a PatientsLikeMe member who has been living with Parkinson’s disease (PD) since 2007.

A retired college professor, late-in-life farmer and weekly columnist for his rural newspaper, Jim recently published his second book, Wobbling Home:  A Spiritual Walk with Parkinson’s.  This meditation on illness and faith looks at Parkinson’s through the lens of Quakerism.  Why does this Quaker recorded minister view the disease as a gift?  What does he wish the public knew about Parkinson’s?  Find out that and more in our interview below.

1.  Tell us about your latest book, Wobbling Home: A Spiritual Walk with Parkinson’s.

Wobbling Home follows on this man of 73’s two definitions: I’m dealing with Parkinson’s Plus and for forty years I’ve been a Quaker (The Religious Society of Friends). My Quaker belief is that my life itself is a gift: precious, freely given, unearned. And further, that everything in my life is a further gift: health, abilities, family, valued friends.  I’ve earned none of these. They’re gifts. And after my initial diagnosis, I came to view Parkinson’s as a gift as well. It’s not one I would have chosen, but I accept it gratefully as the definition of the rest of my life.

Click Here to Learn More the Book on Amazon

And so the book is an attempt to share my attempt to harmonize this progressive disease with my own pilgrim’s progress as I wobble on toward home. I talk about Parkinson’s from the inside, dealing not just with the physical symptoms (lack of balance, shuffling walk, tremors, slurred voice, etc.) but with the perceptual, emotional, and psychological symptoms that recreate our interior lives. And that’s where Parkinson’s and my Friends’ beliefs dovetail together.

2.  In honor of Parkinson’s Awareness Month, what aspect of the disease do you think the public needs to know more about

The general public needs to know of the prevalence of Parkinson’s. Statistics now suggest that one in every 300 of us Americans suffer from it, with an ominous bulge in rural populations, perhaps because of careless use of pesticides and chemical fertilizers. Second, the public needs to know that, though their disease is chronic and irreversible, until its later stages most “Parkies” can live largely normal and often very productive lives.

Third, the general public (and many, many doctors) need to know how subjective Parkinson’s is from patient to patient. In our [local] support group, no two members have exactly the same mix of symptoms and medications. And fourth, the general public needs to know how important it is that they make a place in their midst for Parkinson’s sufferers, and for all with chronic, incurable diseases. To my mind, that’s what  “treating others as you’d want to be treated” is all about.

3.  You and your wife attend a support group that has both joint and separate meetings for patients and caregivers.  Tell us about that.

Care partners, female or male, are the unsung heroes of Parkinson’s. When our support groups meet, we first have an hour with Parkies and partners together. It’s a how-goes-it session, with each person present saying what the last two weeks of dealing with the disease have been like. Members in each group often learn surprising things about their partners’ dealings with a disease they truly share.

In the second hour, the groups separate. Care partners can then talk together about their own challenges, frustrations, and manners of coping with someone increasing debilitated, both physically and cognitively. (From what my wife tells me, a good amount of healthy venting goes on.) Meanwhile we Parkies are trading notes across the hall. Talk among us is largely of symptoms: who is having plumbing problems, who is dealing with hallucinations, who is frustrated with his GP or neurologist’s seeming lack of understanding of what’s going on INSIDE her or him.

Our group is largely men with a few women; the [partner] support group is largely women with a few men. (Initially we thought we’d have to have an all-men’s support group – how else to talk freely about plumbing problems and the like? We needn’t have worried a moment! Turn out that we’re all rowing the same boat.)

4.  What kind of role does PatientsLikeMe play in your life?

PatientsLikeMe is an invaluable aid to me, and I recommend it to everyone in our group. In fact, it fulfills the same great needs: for good and reliable information but, perhaps more important, for a sense that I’m not alone with Parkinson’s challenges. God bless PatientsLikeMe, its staff, and its work!