Overcoming Obstacles – Newsletter Highlight 2010

First of all, I became well enough to leave my local psychiatric hospital after having been an inpatient for six months. My anxiety means that all new things – even getting on a bus to go somewhere new – make me have severe panic symptoms.

I now make sure I am out of bed by 0700hrs during the week and make myself go out at least three times per week, whether it is meeting friends for coffee or attending appointments. Otherwise I will return to “avoidance,” whereby I cut off all contact with friends and family, including calls and text messages.

I have had to deal with and overcome the struggles that come with tardive dyskinesia. Reglan has been black-boxed [with a FDA-mandated warning about the risk of tardive dyskinesia] over the past two years, but I took it for three or four years before that. [Read kidneygirl1198and0505’s Reglan treatment evaluation for more details.]

Signs of tardive dyskinesia may include: continuous and repetitive movements of the mouth, tongue, and jaw; facial grimacing; lip smacking, puffing of the cheeks; uncontrollable movements of the arms, legs, fingers, and toes; and swaying motions of the trunk or hips.

Mine has gotten so bad that I have regular grand mal seizures from time to time, and sometimes it’s hard to carry on a conversation without looking weird.

One of the biggest obstacles in my life this year was getting over the death of a very close friend.  This person became ill and died within a few months.  Her death made me more aware of how precious life is.

Another obstacle was in the adjustment of my medicine for Parkinson’s.  My doctor wanted me to try a new medicine with fewer long-term side effects.  I tried it for several months but did not do very well.  I am currently back on my original medicine, taking a little more than before, but I have readjusted well.

This year I overcame a hard breakup. It was difficult because I thought we were going to be together for a longer term relationship than we were (only nine months).

It was also difficult to start dating again. I forgot how many people don’t know much about how HIV is contracted and that there are many people who would never date someone who is living with HIV or will date someone living with HIV but the fear of contracting HIV puts too much of a damper on the relationship. It’s a difficult process.

I’ve spent a lot of time this year getting used to the fact that I have become dependent on others.

Prior to diagnosis, I sat on the local council, was involved in the organization of all types of public elections and I was a trade union official. These were voluntary roles which involved helping others. Yet, initially, after diagnosis, I had an enormous difficulty accepting help from others. However, I’ve come to realize that I have a loving family, fantastic friends and very supportive colleagues. I have found that many of them don’t know what to do and are very glad when I am specific as to what they can do for me.

I’ve also learned that no question is too personal. I struggled a lot with questions about personal hygiene and when I found the courage to ask these most intimate questions, I found that the professionals were so familiar with the questions asked that, beyond the initial embarrassment, we quickly went on to find solutions. I have also found that when people ask questions about my condition, they are entitled to an answer, an honest answer.

Oh my, 2010 has been a huge year! I didn’t know how I was going to get through it whole, but here I am knocking on 2011, one step at a time. I had to rejoin the workforce on a part-time basis this year, after years of not working (not being able to work), but I had to as my husband had lost his job about 18 months previously, and we were facing bankruptcy!

So I’ve been working part-time since last February, about 17 to 32 hours a week. We did go through bankruptcy, lost our home, vehicles and our high 700’s credit score with it. But you know what, I survived.  Actually, no, I overcame, with the help of a very supportive Sunday School class, great friends, and a wonderful husband and daughter.

I work for the US Forest Service and, as of July, made it to retirement age still working. Two times they tried to force me to take a disability retirement. To keep working I have had to move around to several jobs in four different states because of my health. Not only have I made it to retirement age, but I am still working even though they are trying to get rid of me once again. (What a joke when you consider that the federal government has a quota for disabled employees).

It has meant I have not only had to work in a variety of locations, but doing different kinds of work. Just in the time on this forest I have worked as the Oracle DBA in the computer shop, in GIS, later in Forest Planning, with a crew of five Soil Scientists, a Botanist and myself mapping the soils and ecological types and writing recommendations for management.  And now for the last two years I have been “unfunded” and doing all kinds of random jobs for projects in the office. Just this year that has included supporting the USFS in legal challenges as well as jobs so simple as filing paperwork and addressing envelopes.

For me, with multiple sclerosis and ADHD, my main problems have been the concentration to do what I need and want to do and fighting the progression of MS. I have RRMS [relapsing remitting MS] but since I have had it for 25 years, ever so slowly, it is progressing at the same time I get exacerbations. I have a new neurologist too, and he is part of a big group and getting through when I am having problems, is a problem.

Plus, with only SSDI [social security disability insurance] and not being able to find a part-time job, I have had to stop taking some needed meds and not going to necessary doctor’s appointments (e.g. my eye surgeon/doctor to see if the optic nerve is still swollen and I can’t do a necessary MRI because the insurance company won’t pay.) So to get help for my asthma, I am doing a research study to get free care. I haven’t found one for MS or depression yet.