4 posts tagged “self-esteem”

Not Recognizing the “New Me”

Posted December 10th, 2012 by

Are You Resistant to the Idea of a Wheelchair?

For many newly diagnosed patients, accepting help can be as difficult as accepting the diagnosis itself.  According to some of the members of our Parkinson’s disease community, here are a few signs that you may be struggling with the idea of becoming someone who might need help.

  • Have you found yourself feeling resentful when family, friends or strangers try to assist with something?
  • Have you resisted using a complimentary wheelchair (e.g., at the airport or on cruise ship) out of embarrassment?
  • Have you worried that becoming someone who receives help is going to change your lifelong identity?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are far from alone.  Many PatientsLikeMe members report that learning to accept help gracefully is one of the most challenging aspects of chronic illness.  And it’s not just allowing the help itself, per se, but seeing yourself in a new light, as one member puts it.  It’s not unusual to take great pride in being a superman or superwoman, the type of handy, resourceful person who does it all and is always helping others in the family or community.  This can be part of your self-image, as well as a source of self-esteem.

So what do you do when you are suddenly the person being helped instead of the helper?  It requires a psychological shift, according to our members, that involves letting go of ego and viewing the care and assistance you are receiving as a gift, not an insult.  It also means communicating frequently and lovingly about the issue, so as to address “the elephant in the room.”  If you can manage the task yourself, speak up and say so politely, advises one patient.  Otherwise, practice saying “thank you” and “I love you” with gratitude, encourages another member.  Ultimately, as our members state over and over, the best tools for coming to terms with the realities of your new life are a positive attitude, humor and support from others like you.

Can you relate to this common hurdle?  Join this insightful discussion in our forum or share your thoughts in the comments section.

The Joy of Being Helpful

Posted August 27th, 2012 by

Many patients with life-changing conditions report feelings of grief and guilt about no longer being able to do many of the things they did in the past.  As a recent discussion in our forum revealed, however, patients are finding ways to reset their perspective and boost their self-esteem by focusing on what they are still able to give to others, despite the challenges of their illness.

The Joy of Being Helpful

Here are some of the small and large contributions our members have made, helping them to feel good about themselves:

  • Going to the hospice to sit and talk with the residents
  • Sending handwritten letters via snail mail to loved ones
  • Participating in educational events about the role of service dogs
  • Getting good friends together for a gathering to reconnect
  • Volunteering in a food bank to appreciate having food to eat
  • Calling an isolated grandparent or friend regularly on the phone
  • Allowing the cat from down the road to come inside and snuggle
  • Fostering or adopting medically fragile children in the system

Have you found strength – or a renewed sense of purpose – by doing what you can to help others?  Share your experiences in the comments section.  Also, you may want to check out two books recommended by our members for inspiration:  Strong at the Broken Places, about five different patients with chronic illnesses including ALS and Crohn’s disease, and 29 Gifts, written by a multiple sclerosis (MS) patient whose South African healer gave her a prescription of helping others for an entire month.