4 posts tagged “ed”

“In my own words” – PatientsLikeMe member Edward shares about living with schizoaffective disorder

Posted May 19th, 2015 by

Meet Edward, a member of the PatientsLikeMe mental health community. He’s been living with schizoaffective disorder since the late 1970s, and over the past 35 years, he’s experienced many symptoms, everything from paranoia and euphoria to insomnia and deep depression. Below, he uses his own words to take you on a journey through his life with schizoaffective disorder, including a detailed account of what happened when he stopped taking his medications and how he has learned to love God through loving others.

How it all began:
In my early twenty’s in 1977, I was doing GREAT in college, double majoring in Mathematics and Electrical Electronic Engineering and in the top 1% of my class when I started having problems with mental illness. My first symptom was an intense mental anguish as if something broke inside of my head. Then my sleep started to suffer and I would fall asleep in my college classes, which was not at all like me. Then I started having strong mood swings and I became very delusional. I experienced all of this without the use of any drugs or alcohol; in fact I have never used any street drugs or alcohol. Life became HELL and I tried suicide. My parents then put me in a psychiatric hospital, where I stayed for about a year.

What schizoaffective disorder feels like:
When not on any antipsychotic medications, I feel like; others could hear my thoughts (broadcasting), that I could hear other people’s thoughts (mind reading), that I could communicate by thought with others without speaking a word (telepathic communication), not only could I communicate with other people in this way but I could communicate with other things as if they had human like qualities (anthropomorphic telepathic communication), believing that I am super important to the world (grandiose thinking), that others were out to kill me (paranoia), and I would become very delusional. But, now after taking the antipsychotic medications for some time, not only do I not believe that these things (powers) were never true for me, I also believe that no one else has these powers. Maybe some people may have others out to kill them, but this is not true for me. Also, for over 35 years (1977 – 2013) I believed that God would talk to me personally and would give me personal instructions, but now, I don’t believe this is/was ever true.

On top of having psychotic episodes, my mood has fluctuated from being euphoria, extremely joyful, super happy, with very little sleep, feeling like I didn’t need to sleep, etc. to suicidal lows, dysphoria, deep dark depression, and sleeping a lot with not being able to get out of bed, etc. My mood swings greatly in duration and intensity for reasons I am not fully aware of.

My quality of sleep is very poor. When I lay down in bed to go to sleep, my body/mind tortures me so much that if I haven’t gone to sleep within about five minutes I get up out of bed to relieve the torture like sensations. The torture sensations might be; restless legs, a general restlessness of my body or mind, a sensation in the back of my throat, an itch, or any thing that my mind can not stop focusing on. Once I have gone to sleep, I only sleep for about an hour before I awake. Once awake I go through all of the problems of falling back to sleep again. The sleep I do get is not refreshing. My mood and sleep go hand in hand, when my sleep is bad, my mood swings are bad and when my mood swings are bad, my sleep is bad and vise-a-versa. I have had a recent improvement my mood/sleep problem. It may be due to my new medication, Latuda that I am taking. Only time will tell if Latuda will continue to help.

What happened when I tried to stop taking my meds:
I stopped taking all my medications because I wanted to see if they were doing anything for me. Everyone told me that this was a bad idea, but I did it anyways.

As time progressed I could tell that my wife, Audrey, wanted to confess something to me, but was scared that I would not be able to handle it. I could also tell that Audrey talked to my counselor about this, and that my counselor agreed with her not to tell me. They were keeping something a secret from me. We danced around the issue, as if there was a white elephant in the room that no one was willing to talk about.

I figured that Audrey was having an affair with the senior pastor of a local mega church that she belongs to. It appeared to me that Audrey was willing to break off the affair and go public with it, but the pastor was not. To keep it from going public, I figured that the pastor hired a hit man to kill me. The more I thought about it, the more I was sure of it.

One day after Audrey left for work, I panicked. I started running. The first thing I did was try to get a hotel room without showing ID. However, all the hotels that I tried required ID. The way the hotel staff acted made me all the more sure that the pastor was getting help in finding where I was. At this point, I went into a Jack in the Box to get something to eat, and I could tell by the way people were acting that they had received the reverse 911 call on me. I figured the senior pastor that was having an affair with my wife knew that I knew about the affair and that I was running, so he convinced the police that I was either a danger to myself or to others, and that they should put out a reverse 911 call to find me.

I quickly left the Jack in the Box and got back in my car. I drove to a Rite Aid store and bought some bottled water, because I was planning to hide in the desert. The employees at the Rite Aid seemed to be acting strange around me, as if they, too, received the reverse 911 call on me. I quickly got in my car and drove into the desert, trying to find a safe place, but I saw a helicopter in the distance, and I knew I was not safe there either. I got on the freeway and headed north.

I had not been sleeping well for weeks and was getting very tired. Having a bottle of 200-milligram caffeine tablets with me, I took one. It helped only a little. I was also taking them to help me feel better, and I already had a lot of caffeine in my system. After driving for about fifteen minutes, I felt sleepy again, so I took another caffeine tablet. This sequence of events continued. I was taking a caffeine tablet about every five to fifteen minutes.

After driving for about two hours, I was scared that I might be a danger to myself or, worse, to someone else, because I could easy fall asleep behind the wheel. I pulled off the freeway into the parking lot of an old run down hotel. I figured that these people would be willing to hide me.

I booked a room, even though I had to show my ID. They too appeared to be acting strange. I figured that my picture must be on TV, so that people could be on the lookout for me. Everywhere I went people were looking at me funny. At the hotel I tried to lie down on the bed to get some rest, but I could not rest. I was wired. I got back in my car and drove north again.

After driving for about another hour, I came to the conclusion that I could not hide, and that they would eventually find me and kill me no matter where I went, so I stopped running. I called Audrey and told her I was coming home. Still very tired, I got back in my car and took another caffeine tablet or two.

I do not remember if my son called me or if I called him, but my son and I talked. I told him that I thought his mother was having an affair. Talking to him did help me stay awake while driving. After talking to my son, I called a friend to have him talk to me to help me stay awake. I was still taking a caffeine tablet about every five to fifteen minutes.

Half a bottle of caffeine tablets later, and with the help of everyone, I finally made it home that night. My wife and I got ready for bed, but I could not get any rest.

I got up and started playing on my computer. This was no help, for I started to worry about the Internet crashing, which would cause havoc to our society. Not only was I worried that the Internet could fail, but I believed that I could make it crash, if I wished. This really bothered me a lot.

The way I figured it was, if I did not make it crash, myself, it would someday crash by itself. The more I thought about this, the more I was sure of it. The problem was that if it crashed later we would be worse off and our society would not be able to recover.

I figured that the Internet could not handle human emotions, so I decide to make it crash that night by causing it to be jealous of my other computer—that was not connected to the Internet. I told my computer that was connected to the internet, that I loved my other computer more.

In the morning, Audrey took me to the emergency room at a hospital where there was a behavioral health unit.

Now, I was really afraid of just about everything and everybody. I thought that the internet was out to get me. I believed that the FBI, CIA, and Homeland Security were called in because I was viewed as a national threat. I also believed that the hospital needed time to get agents into the locked ward to act as patients.

After spending most of the day in the emergency room, I was all the more sure that these things were true. I thought they would put me in the behavioral health locked ward, but they did not. Instead, they put me on the surgical floor.

Now, I really believed something was up. Why would they do that? This scared me even more.

On the surgical floor, they had a nurse sit by my bed. I thought she was working for the government to find out if I was a national threat or not. I told her everything about my relationship with my computers and how I caused the Internet to crash. At this point, I thought the Internet had already crashed and it was all over the news, because the hospital staff would not let me watch TV.

To make matters worse, I was craving sex, badly. I was hoping the nurse would be willing to do something with me, if Audrey gave her okay. It seemed to me that Audrey did not want to have sex with me, and she might be willing to let me play with someone else. So, if she was willing, I was willing. But this never happened.

I was scared out of my wits. I wanted the hospital staff to put me in lock-up. Believe it or not, I felt more comfortable in the lock-up ward than I did on the surgical floor.

Later they put me in the mental health lock ward and placed me on a three-day hold, and then on a two-week hold. They stated that I overdosed on caffeine, that I was a danger to myself and others, and that I could not care for myself.

At first I refused to take the medication they wanted me to take, but later I did take it and I got better.

Now I can see that I was very delusional.

Where I’m at today:
My life has been full of ups and downs, twists and turns, which have taught me an important fact, keep the main thing the main thing, which is to love God with everything I got by loving others as I would have them love me with forgiveness, compassion, endurance, patience, mercy, grace, charity, tenderness, strength, wisdom, kindness, and with all that causes good to happen. The way I see God is He is more of a Spirit than a being, like Santa Clause is more of the spirit of giving at Christmas time than a actual being. Different psychiatrists have given me different diagnoses and prescribed different medications at different times in my life. When I am not suffering with my symptoms of mental illness, I enjoy working with my robot, studying and doing math, writing books, writing computer programs, and thinking about God stuff. If you have any questions either about myself or my fight with this illness, please ask me.

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Bruce Cooper and Ed Godber talk about the AstraZeneca/PatientsLikeMe partnership

Posted April 13th, 2015 by

AstraZeneca and PatientsLikeMe announced today that they’re working together to use patient-reported data to shape future medicines and help improve patient outcomes. While it focuses on an initial set of four therapeutic areas (lupus, respiratory diseases, oncology and diabetes) the partnership signals a significant step forward for patients worldwide. Bruce Cooper, AstraZeneca’s Senior Vice President, Global Medical Affairs and Ed Godber, PatientsLikeMe’s Executive Vice President of Life Sciences Ventures explain why.

What is this partnership designed to do?

Bruce Cooper: We’re focused more than ever on having patient-defined value drive our scientific developments. To do so, we need to understand more about what patients are experiencing day-to-day. Our partnership with PatientsLikeMe allows us to tap into a patient network with more than 325,000 members. Every minute of every day, they are using the website to track their condition and give others like them information and support. They’re also contributing data for research. Now, their shared experiences will become real world evidence that accelerates AstraZeneca’s R&D capability and delivers patient-centric medicines.

Ed Godber: Ultimately, we want to help AstraZeneca partner with patients so that patients shape the medicines of the future, those medicines lead to better outcomes, and patients can live the lives they want. It’s exciting to see how Briggs Morrison (Executive Vice President, Global Medicines Development, AstraZeneca) and his team have truly committed themselves to transforming the discovery and development process by focusing on what patients experience, and need.

How does this collaboration actually help patients?

Bruce Cooper: We have significant potential to accelerate an upgrade to the system by making the patient voice part of the DNA of life science processes, helping to generate evidence to support our R&D and drive our science. We want to better understand what is important to patients about all aspects of their condition and treatment, and then shape the profile of the medicines we discover and develop. And we want to empower patients to thrive to the fullest degree from this upgrade in how data is generated and shared.

Ed Godber: We’re really aligned on that point. PatientsLikeMe was founded more than ten years ago with a mission to put patients first, and to make their voice central to medical advances. We did that by enabling patients to learn from the experience of thousands of others like them, sharing important and varied information about their health in a way that is compatible with healthcare and research. We’ve already seen that this kind of sharing can improve patient outcomes and transform healthcare. So it’s important that we take “patientomics” to the next level. With AstraZeneca, we not only expand the network and data, but also develop the science and processes by which healthcare and discovery can be increasingly responsive to patient needs.

What’s the first thing you’ll focus on as you begin to work together?

Ed Godber: We have been able to quickly get into a rhythm of sharing innovation and best practice around how to integrate the patient voice into AstraZeneca’s R&D. From here, in the short term, we’ll work together to create a “how to” guide to incorporate patient centricity into the design and execution of our studies. The agreement is for five years, so we’ll continue to define and evolve what we focus on.

Bruce Cooper: I’m pleased to say too that we have begun to collaborate with clinical operations to integrate patient insights into trial design and execution. We also expect our medical strategies to be enhanced across our Therapy Areas. There are a number of areas that can benefit from the data that PatientsLikeMe generates, and I’m looking forward to exploring even more.

What does the future look like with this partnership in place?

Bruce Cooper: I see a world where patients are even more engaged in research, because they have greater access to it, and can shape the way we conduct research with them. I also see patients helping to shape the healthcare environment as a whole by bringing what’s important to them onto the government’s healthcare agenda, and even shaping the way healthcare is delivered in clinical practice in disease communities.

Ed Godber: We believe this can have a significant impact on the speed at which patients get the full value out of new and effective medicines in the real world, using all of the useful data about a patient’s experience at the right times in disease research, drug development, regulation, access and care.

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PatientsLikeMe Appoints Ed Godber as First Executive Vice President of Life Sciences Ventures

Posted March 10th, 2015 by

Industry Leader to Head up Patient-Focused Initiatives for Life Sciences Customers

CAMBRIDGE, MA., March 10, 2015— PatientsLikeMe today announced it has appointed Ed Godber as Executive Vice President of Life Sciences Ventures. In this newly created position, Ed is responsible for managing PatientsLikeMe’s life sciences business and bringing the patient agenda to the forefront of partners’ development and delivery operations. He reports directly to PatientsLikeMe CEO Martin Coulter.

“Our pharma, biotech and healthcare customers are asking us to guide and support their transition to a more patient-centric world, and to integrate the patient voice in all they do,” said Coulter. “Ed brings the perfect blend of skills to this mission. His patient-centered view and senior level industry, payer and healthcare experience will help our customers create even greater value for their patients.”

Ed has been advising and managing operations in numerous life sciences and healthcare companies for more than 20 years. Previously, he was the Chief Executive Officer of the London-based Health Labs Advisory Boards, where he was a strategic advisor to pharma, biotech, venture capital and nonprofit organizations. He also spent nearly five years at GlaxoSmithKline (GSK) as Senior Vice President, heading up access to medicines as part of the European Executive Team and exploring evidence innovation within the research and development division. In that position, he also co-founded a multi-million dollar external scientific collaboration on real world data.

Godber began his career in public health, strategic commissioning and policy research in the UK’s National Health Service (NHS) and has advised a wide range of transformational ventures, including the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and the Chatham House Working Group on Anti-Bacterial Resistance.

“I’ve long admired PatientsLikeMe for sparking a revolution in healthcare with its community- and science-based platform for patients,” Godber said. “As a patient who has benefitted so much from the way in which PatientsLikeMe works, I’m excited and honored to be part of a team that is helping life science companies realize their deep-seated desire to enable the patient voice to transform the discovery and development process.”

Godber is based in London. He holds a master’s degree in health economics from the University of York and a master’s degree in business administration from the London Business School.

About PatientsLikeMe
PatientsLikeMe® (www.patientslikeme.com) is a patient network that improves lives and a real-time research platform that advances medicine. Through the network, patients connect with others who have the same disease or condition and track and share their own experiences. In the process, they generate data about the real-world nature of disease that help researchers, pharmaceutical companies, regulators, providers, and nonprofits develop more effective products, services and care. With more than 300,000 members, PatientsLikeMe is a trusted source for real-world disease information and a clinically robust resource that has published more than 50 peer-reviewed research studies. Visit us at www.patientslikeme.com or follow us via our blog, Twitter or Facebook.


The Patient Voice- Parkinson’s member Ed shares his story

Posted April 21st, 2014 by

 

Back in March, we shared some of our infographics and videos on the blog, and as part of our #dataforgood initiative, PatientsLikeMe member Ed spoke about his experiences with Parkinson’s disease and why he thinks it’s all a group effort. Click above to watch his video, and keep an eye out for more interviews with PatientsLikeMe members talking about what #dataforgood means to them.